I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
