I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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