in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
