And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I love you.
Bad choice
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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