We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
