i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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