i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
