I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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