on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
