If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
