AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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