I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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