Me too!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
