Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I want a musical about memes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
