In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
