My liver just broke up with me...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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