We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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