my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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