He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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