How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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