Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize