I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize