dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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