Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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