she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
