So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
