well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
