His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
