dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
