Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
