Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm too high and old for this...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
