Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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