I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
