why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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