Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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