i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
