I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
