Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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