Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
