I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
