K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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