And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
