fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
