I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
