Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
