It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
