oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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