so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize