you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
