If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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