First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
