when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
