You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
