Where is the hickey?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
