The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize