No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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