Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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