Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize