Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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