why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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