i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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