Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize