so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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